Monday, March 15, 2010

My Autistic son, Ahmad Danial - after 2 months di Tahun Satu

Surah Al-Furqan 25:58 "Dan bertawakallah kamu kepada Allah Yang Maha Hidup (Kekal) Yang tidak mati..."

Mencari sekolah yang sesuai untuk Danial bukan satu proses yang mudah. It involved a lot of thinking....worrying....research...Untuk meletakkan Danial di kelas yang mempunyai bilangan pelajar yang sangat ramai, my maternal instinct tells me belum lagi sesuai untuk Danial. Tambahan lagi, Danial is unable to speak Bahasa Melayu well and if i put him in public school with BM medium of instruction, it will be a huge problem for him.
Nevertheless, i still visited the primary school at section 6 and met the teacher in the kelas pendidikan khas. I even brought Danial to be observed by the teacher. When she observed Danial, she was reluctant to put Danial in her class kerana Danial sudah seperti kanak-kanak normal yang lain. But i pointed the fact that Danial is speech delayed and his autism though mild, is still ketara in some of his behaviour. Danial masih lagi finds it difficult to make friends or start a conversation, let alone maintain a long conversation with a friend. Children his age will at first approach him but after awhile when they realize that Danial is different, they will gradually menjauhkan diri from him and Danial will be left on his own.
So i went to a number of integrated private schools around shah alam. Some would like to consider tapi i pulak tak berkenan (alamak...dalam kelas ada 25 orang tapi bila cikgu tak de, budak2 belari sana sini dekat corridor and tak pakai kasut....this is a private school we are talking about and an islamic one...). One particular school mmg terang2 reject Danial and the reason was they don't have teachers who are trained to handle kids with special needs, mild or not, they stated clearly that they refused to consider even for a trial. Well, we respect the school. At least they are honest.
Buntu. Tidak tahu apa yang perlu atau patut dilakukan. Jadi, dalam keadaan begini, apalah lagi daya kita selain bersujud berdoa pada Allah swt memberi petunjuk dan jalan bagi menyelesaikan permasalahan ini. Dalam sujud, i prayed to Allah swt,
"Ya allah, tolonglah anak kami Danial. Tempatkan lah dia di sekolah yang paling sesuai baginya. Hanya engkau sahaja Ya Allah yang Maha Mengetahui segala yang baik dan buruk bagi kami"
Dalam berdoa, kami tidak putus asa berusaha. Proses pencarian sekolah rendah brought us to Islamic Integrated School Shah Alam, di section 4.
After i had explained Danial's condition, the first question the principal of the school asked me "what do you expect from the school, puan?"
My answer " owh, i want Danial to develop his social skills. I am aware that the school might not have teachers who are trained for children with special needs like Danial, but right now,academic excellence is not the top in my list for Danial. I want him to mix around with typical children and hope Danial will adapt but along the way, if he excels academically, all i can say is alhamdulillah"
"ok, if that is your expectation, i would like to accept your son to join our primary one" the principal replied.


Surah At-Taubah 9:40 "...janganlah bersedih sesungguhnya Allah bersama kita..."

First week Danial di sekolah baru.
Alhamdulillah, Danial tidak lah memberontak untuk pergi ke sekolah. Maybe ketika itu, he wasn't aware that he was going to a new school. And he did not know what to expect. However, untuk permulaan, Danial tidak menangis2 untuk pergi ke sekolah pun i dah bersyukur dah.
Minggu pertama berlalu dengan jayanya.

Malam Jumaat of minggu ketiga Danial di sekolah
Sebelum tidur, i asked Danial to recite al-fatihah and said "Ok Danial, sleep ok, tomorrow school ok..." Dengan tak semena-mena, muka Danial berubah. He said "i don't want school ibu..."
Danial terus ambil bantal and tutup muka. Slowly i removed the pillow from his face and asked..."why?"
Again Danial said "no ibu...i don't want school...". And by now, i could see tears in his eyes.
I just pujuk Danial tidur. Dalam hati i, insyaallah tomorrow he'd forget about it.
Sungguh silap sangkaanku.
Seperti hari2 lain sebelum ini, Danial dikejutkan lebih kurang jam 6:30am. Tapi, tidak seperti sebelumnya, pagi itu Danial tidak mahu mandi and dengan nada separa merengek...he said "ibu...i don't want school ibu...".
And of course when i asked him why or what happened at school, him being speech delayed, couldn't give me any answer or any clue that indicates any possible reason for him not wanting to go to school.
Danial pun naik kereta untuk pergi ke sekolah. He was quiet. When our car stopped in front of the school. Muka Danial dalam kereta dah merah menahan sedih. He looked really sad. As i walked him to the school compound, he held my hand so tight it almost felt as if he didn't want to let my hand go. Eventually i told Danial, "ok Danial, ibu pergi ok..Danial go line up for assembly ok?". By then he had tears already. I just walked away from him but hati sangat berat. So, i menoleh ke belakang to have one glance of him before i finally left. He looked at me from far and tears was running down his cheek. I couldn't help it, i walked to him and tried to calm him.
In the car, on my way back home, my mind kept fix on the thought of seeing Danial cried at school. I felt hopeless because i didn't know why he was sad or what went wrong at school...or anything....i felt hopeless...i cried. I cried hard. Terbayang-bayang airmuka Danial dengan air mata bercucuran di pipi yang kecil itu, sesekali mengelap air mata yang penuh bertakung di bawah cermin matanya. It was so heartbreaking to see my son like that. Especially, when i felt i couldn't help him.

Dalam kesedihan yang amat berdoalah saya " Ya Allah, ampunkan lah aku Ya Allah.....tolong lah anakku Danial Ya Allah..."

I sms his class teacher and kindly asked her if she knew what could lead Danial to be in that state when he was doing fine for the past 2 weeks. The teacher didn't replied but on the next Monday, I went to meet his class teacher and she appologised for not replying my sms. According to the teacher, the day before that friday, she rewarded some pupils in the class for doing well in one of the classroom activities and Danial was one of them. However, she gave Danial a slightly bigger chocolate candy as compared to the rest. So one of the boys thought teacher was being unfair he grabbed Danial's candy from Danial's hand. And Danial did not fight back and being speech delayed (and autistic,let us remind ourselves of this fact) he couldn't complain to the teacher. Danial was depressed because he knew he deserved that chocolate candy and that candy was his but somehow couldn't get that idea across to anyone....including me, his mother.
Thank you to his class teacher, who is a very kind woman, she gave Danial another candy as a replacement the next day. And after that, Danial was happier....Alhamdulillah.

School Sports Day
Danial participated in the march pass. He was okay. Boleh la dia ikut the group. And he also participated in one performance for his house (blue house) ~ Battle Cry and boleh la dia ikut the steps. Though mungkin tak lah seperfect kawan-kawan yang lain tapi boleh la dia ikut-ikut whatever the group was doing.
Then came to part when Danial had to participate in one of the games for his house- dribble bola pakai kayu hockey. Danial kekok. He didn't know how to handle the hockey stick. But perlahan-lahan he manage. Of course the group kalah because of this. Bila Danial hampir sampai ke finishing line, i cheered "common Danial.....!". Suddenly seorang mother dengan lantangnya bercakap " tengok ni! pegang kayu pun tak tahu???". The mother stood right next to me and i dengan spontan dan selamba and direct nya terus cakap " owh, he is autistic and HE IS MY SON". The mother sambung " iya la takkan ustaz tak ajar camane nak pegang kot..." tapi kali ini nada suaranya lembut sikit, mungkin menyedari beliau terlepas cakap. And i terus reply dengan selamba nya " budak autistic mmg la macam tu if you tahu what is autism la, orang ajar pun belum tentu die paham" and i just walked away. I could see the mother macam tak tahu macam mana nak tengok muka i. Tapi i rasa dia patut memberanikan diri and just come to me and appologise. I would definitely say "i understand...".
Tidak dinafikan perasaan ibu mana tidak sedih apabila melihat kanak-kanak sebaya anak kita berlari-lari ke sana ke sini...cergas...participate in all games dengan bersemangatnya...Walaupun Danial's autism dikira mild, still perbezaan dr segi behaviournya masih juga ketara. Apatah lagi, bila mendengar ibu lain (yang memikirkan anaknya sangat sempurna) mengherdik kekurangan anak kita. Selamilah perasaan kesedihan ini...

Surah Ali Imran 3: 173 "....Cukuplah Allah menjadi Penolong kami dan Allah adalah sebaik-baik Pelindung."

Danial might not be able to speak fluently yet tetapi dengan Rahmat Allah swt, Danial sudah boleh membaca Al-fatihah dan surah Al-Ikhlas dengan sempurna. Boleh melakukan perbuatan solat, mengangkat wudu'.
Dalam sujud saya berdoa " Ya Allah, kasihanilah anakku Danial. Dengan rahmatMu Ya Allah, aku memohon, petahkan lah lidah anakku Danial. Smoga dengan rahmatMu Ya Allah, Danial boleh menghafaz Al-Quran"

For quite sometime juga i merata-rata mencari guru ngaji yang sesuai for Danial. Kelas-kelas qiraati yang available tidak sesuai utk Danial kerana satu kelas terlalu ramai. And Danial needs a person who can teach him one to one. Kalau ada pun the fees terlalu mahal for us.
Allah swt mengerakkan hati saya untuk bertanya pada pihak sekolah. Alhamdulillah, seorang ustaz (yang juga guru di sekolah Danial) yang sangat baik hati, sudi mengajar Danial (one to one) mengaji most days after school. Sesungguhnya, Allah swt sangat Pengasih dan Allah swt telah menolong Danial.

Most maghrib, saya dan anak-anak akan bersolat jemaah. Semenjak masuk ke sekolah, Danial insists nak iqamat sebelum solat bermula. Lebih kurang seminggu yang lepas, pada satu sessi solat jemaah maghrib, Danial suddenly requested " ibu, i want azan ibu....".
Tanpa menunggu jawapan saya, my son Danial melaungkan azan. Terkejut tidak terkata. Perasaan terharu mendengar my autistic son Danial melaungkan azan buat pertama kalinya, hanya Allah swt sahaja yang Maha Mengetahui. Gembiranya di hati tidak boleh digambarkan. Semua perasaan sedih yang berselang seli menyelinap di hati sebelum ini lenyap serta merta. Sungguh Allah swt Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang.

Dengarkanlah....


video


For mothers out there who has children with special needs....

Cekalkanlah hati, janganlah bersedih. Percayalah seperti dalam sebuah hadith yang sahih, diriwayatkan dari Rasullullah saw:
" Allah tidak menetapkan qadha' bagi seorang hamba kecuali qadha' itu baik bagi dirinya"

Dan berpeganglah pada firman Allah swt, Surah Al-Insyirah :5-6
" Maka sesungguhnya bersama dengan kesulitan itu ada kemudahan, Sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan itu ada kemudahan"

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