Friday, December 12, 2008

A POEM WRITTEN BY ME NOT VERY LONG AGO...

FOR A VERY DEAR PERSON...

When my intuition speaks… it never lies

I have lived to endure seasons of emotions;
A season of joy and a season of weep;
My heart acquaints with countless souls;
A soul deepens with love beyond the extreme depth of the sea;
A soul fumes with hatred and a soul burns with jealousy.

The moment I set my eyes upon you
I witness a soul full of zest and honesty;
For zest is a strength that dwells within your soul;
For the honesty in you that sparkles and never grows old;
The spirit in you I surely see through
My intuition speaks…I have faith in you.

In you I see a pure heart;
Like a tinted glass
It reflects in the daylight
But shines from within during the night;
With me your heart has always been true
My intuition speaks …I always trust you.

Trust is the only thing that holds us together;
Like an iron chain, it ties us forever;
An unspoken vow to break it never;
The pain in me you can never feel
To dishonor the trust you bestows upon me;
Shielding it I am unable to do;
My intuition speaks…I have failed you;

When I am not with you
Remember me as for eternity I will remember you;
When you walk on the beach
Remember each pebble is a reason I have faith in you;
When you look up to the bright sky in the middle of the night
Remember each star is a reason I trust you;

I don’t have to be by your side
To feel your joy, to hear your cries;
I just have to listen to the intuition in my heart
For when my intuition speaks… it never lies.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

RIZWANIE IRMAA ~ A Face Of An Authentic Beauty..A Lady Of Substance...

Stop! Don't move! A princess is walking by...
I had started teaching her for many weeks but i didn't really notice her in class until that day she walked in late. The memory of that day still remain fresh with me..

The hour of the clock showed ten minutes to 8am. I was early for my morning class. While talking to some of my students who were there in the class earlier, my attention was suddenly caught by the presence of a girl who was practically out of her breath by the time she reached the doorstep of the class. Well..the class was unfortunately located at the top floor! By looking at her trying to catch her breath and sweats on her forehead, i had no doubt she was running up the stairs to ensure her prompt attendance!

" Sorry sorry puan rohani...tadi jam kat..." she apologised.

"Dah dah...gi duduk...ya allah..tercungap2 ni..." said me, kesian pulak tengok muka die pucat either due to her berlari naik tangga or takut i would be angry at her and punish her ( emm...would i? if u are my ex students, don't answer this..hahahhaah!).


That morning, she looked radiant in the deep blue colored blouse. She has a hair clip on which she carefully pinned her hair back...flaunting her large mesmerising eyes. Her dark and shoulder lengthed hair brought to light her flawless and fair complexion. 'Lawanya budak ni...' i couldn't help noticing. When she heard me asking her to get to her seat...she smiled...and when she smiled, i could see the smile on her face came right through from her heart...the smile that showcased a pure loveliness on her face~A face of an authentic beauty.

To know her is to love her...
My relationship with Irma did not flourish during the time i tought her. It actually happened afterwards...come to think of it again, i think our first online conversation on the ym took place in November 2006. " pn rohani!!!!! hai....missnye puan!!!!!", how would I ever forget her first line. At first i thought, amboi...banyaknya tanda ' ! ' but later i realised '!' mark is Irma's favourite mark...not because she was shouting or what...it was to show how excited she was whenever she has anything she could not wait to tell me and that first online conversation she had with me was no exception. Irma buzzed me online on that day because of her genuine concern and worry of a dear friend of hers, whom she loved and cared, with the hope i could help her with.

My relationship with Irma groomed from just being a casual "teacher n student' to an unbreakable bond of a 'mother n daughter' relationship. Irma shared with me practically everything...her views about her friends...her bestfriends...boyfriends...her hopes for her future career...the kind of family life she dreams of. To be by her side, just listening to her talk would instantly put me at ease. Irma knew exactly the right things to say, when and how to say it. And if she knew she had said things that might hurt me, she wouldn't wait long to say how sorry she was to hurt me. Irma is surely full of compassion. Whenever i was down with sickness, she would call and sent an sms at any time of the day just to check on me and make sure everything was fine with me. And recently, on the day i turned 40 on 4th Dec 2008, i woke up first thing in the morning with a smile on my face to read Irma's birthday wish for me on my handphone...
"Happy Birthday ibu...sorry i can't call u cuz im inside the class right now...have a good one..smile the whole day ok! U take care..luv u so much ibu..."
Till this day,be it online or on the phone, Irma would never end her conversation with me without saying ' i luv u ibu..'.
Not just a beauty but a beauty with principles...
Like any other girls her age, Irma wouldn't miss the excitement whenever she bumped into cute guys. And whenever she did, she could never contain herself from me. She once went on like "ibuuuuuu!!! teka la...teka la...i tgh hppy gileeeeeeeeeeeeee niiiii". But unlike most girls her age, Irma wouldn't be too easy on displaying her real feelings infront of the guy of her interest. She would be very cautious on this matter. She would be jumping her heart out, giggling with exhilaration but when she stood infront of this person...she would put her real feelings to an 'auto shut-off' mode!
And also, unlike most girls her age, cute faces would only attract her for a brief period because Irma would not, for a second, submit herself to a guy just for their cute faces. Irma always know just the kind of person she is looking for - one who respects and listens to her views, one who respects and considers the opinions of others, one who has aims in life, one who is firm with his stands and knows what he wants in life and above all, one who never forgets his responsibility to God. Irma is also not the kind of girl that a guy could just shut her mouth up and expect her to obey without question. Irma would not make a decision without thinking through of its pros and cons and she would not compromise with the principles she has been holding on....no matter how rich or how good looking the guy must have been.
Rizwanie Irmaa in my eyes...
Irma is a sensitive person....her thoughtfulness and caring is beyond ones imagination. Irma is soft on the outside but strong from the inside. Any guy who wins her heart would be the luckiest man alive because Rizwanie Irmaa is a true definition of a modern lady with confidence and style...a beauty with a brain and a lady of substance...






















Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Danial, Primary school & Autism~ When in a state of confusion, who u gonna call??

Rashitah Rahmat was my classmate in STF back in 1981-1985. Kulit hitam manis and hair touched her shoulder, Shitot was one of the brightest girls in our class;always the first in class for all exams as far as i remembered, at least from form 1 till form 3 (kan shitot???). It is really a small world because though my path and Shitot's never cross after we left school in 1985, my husband knew Shitot and her husband when all of them studied in the US!
Apart from being classmates during our secondary school years, another thing me and Shitot shared in common is that we both have an autistic son. Since, recently, my concern on Danial's future primary school deepens, i could think of noone else to turn to for advise....of course it would be none other than my dear old friend...Shitot.
Here is my recent conversation with her via emails...
Me:
I nak tanya ur opinion la. My son danial kan mild autism. Most of his autistic behavior dah ilang.But he is still delayed in speech. He has another year at kindergarten. I tak yakin die can cope with the public school yang ramai2 tu. Tp nak masukkan kat kelas pendidikan khas kat skola tu cam die akan bercampur dgn bdk2 yang lagi teruk developmental problemnye. I takut if i joinkan die dlm kelas tu, die regress pulak instead of progressing. What say you?
Rashitah rahmat..
put him in the normal stream. my son tu kena assess by the PPD officers pasal I want them to see how he is - he does not qualify to be in the special class pasal borderline case. too normal to be in special class but not normal enough to be in the normal stream. he will not improve in the special class. let him try that first. he can still be transferred to special class later kalau you risau sangat but it is not reversible once you place him in the special class. you kan cikgu jugak - why worry too much. have faith in him.

Me:
not that i dont have faith in him..i takut sgt die kena buli and bdk2 ejek die.. i am sooo afraid he cannot defend himself...and in the end, die akan depress..

Rashitah rahmat:
we need to go thru this episode...my son pernah balik sekolah dgn baju dia ada kesan tapak kasut budak mana entah. i pernah witness budak tendang dia. pasal kena ejek tu nak cakap macamana lagi pasal he is different - kids are kids. my daughter used to get very upset pasal org usik adik dia plus sometimes dia rasa malu ada adik mcm tu. most parents in that school know me. ada yg brand me as mak yg tak reti jaga anak pasal they all don't understand him at all. i don't bother to explain myself to any of them. teachers pun susah - ada yg concerned, ada yg tak bother at all. we cannot shelter him or protect him all the time. he needs to know and go through the basic things in life. i don't think i am being too harsh on him by letting him go through all that. i don't set high expectations on him - after what he has gone through, i think it is a miracle that he survives five years of school so far. he is not doing well at school but at the autistic center - he is one of the "good" boys they have ever had. he was invited twice to present flowers to the queen. I once saw him on the stage in USM where he was presented as a subject of the seminar. he was in concerts in two hotels so far - invitations from companies. at least i rasa sejuk jugak - merasa jugak anak i ni naik stage and perform for a crowd. i have given talk to medical students on raising a special child. i have received calls from parents in KL to Perlis for advice on raising special children. entah sapa yg forwardkan number i but itulah kelebihan ada anak mcm ni. sometimes i just wish that he dies first so i tak rasa risau - sapa nak jaga dia bila i mati nanti....give him a chance to grow up the normal way. he may surprise you. one thing at a time.
Hai...pening kepala rasanya where to send Danial for his primary school education in 2010. Some of you might wonder...alahai, lama lagi. But not to me. I am not a last minute person and i do not like surprises be it pleasant or not. I always plan ahead of whatever i want to do. I started to look around for a suitable kindergarten for my eldest Aisyah when she was barely 2 years old! And now Danial...
One thing for sure, as of now, i plan to put Danial in the normal stream. And i guess, Danial is about the same level as Shitot's son at the time of enrolling primary school - borderline case. too normal to be in special class but not normal enough to be in the normal stream. However, i plan to enrol Danial in a private school of normal stream around Shah Alam that has a smaller number of children in a class. Also, Danial will still continue his speech therapy with his current therapist. To help him cope with his primary school work, i might approach one teacher in Ira's school who happens to be a trained teacher for special kids. What else ya? I can't think of anything else right now but i have faith that Allah will always be with me and show me the way for Danial's future. At the moment, my doa is Allah will show me or give me guidance on which school would be the most suitable for my son Danial.