Friday, December 12, 2008

A POEM WRITTEN BY ME NOT VERY LONG AGO...

FOR A VERY DEAR PERSON...

When my intuition speaks… it never lies

I have lived to endure seasons of emotions;
A season of joy and a season of weep;
My heart acquaints with countless souls;
A soul deepens with love beyond the extreme depth of the sea;
A soul fumes with hatred and a soul burns with jealousy.

The moment I set my eyes upon you
I witness a soul full of zest and honesty;
For zest is a strength that dwells within your soul;
For the honesty in you that sparkles and never grows old;
The spirit in you I surely see through
My intuition speaks…I have faith in you.

In you I see a pure heart;
Like a tinted glass
It reflects in the daylight
But shines from within during the night;
With me your heart has always been true
My intuition speaks …I always trust you.

Trust is the only thing that holds us together;
Like an iron chain, it ties us forever;
An unspoken vow to break it never;
The pain in me you can never feel
To dishonor the trust you bestows upon me;
Shielding it I am unable to do;
My intuition speaks…I have failed you;

When I am not with you
Remember me as for eternity I will remember you;
When you walk on the beach
Remember each pebble is a reason I have faith in you;
When you look up to the bright sky in the middle of the night
Remember each star is a reason I trust you;

I don’t have to be by your side
To feel your joy, to hear your cries;
I just have to listen to the intuition in my heart
For when my intuition speaks… it never lies.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

RIZWANIE IRMAA ~ A Face Of An Authentic Beauty..A Lady Of Substance...

Stop! Don't move! A princess is walking by...
I had started teaching her for many weeks but i didn't really notice her in class until that day she walked in late. The memory of that day still remain fresh with me..

The hour of the clock showed ten minutes to 8am. I was early for my morning class. While talking to some of my students who were there in the class earlier, my attention was suddenly caught by the presence of a girl who was practically out of her breath by the time she reached the doorstep of the class. Well..the class was unfortunately located at the top floor! By looking at her trying to catch her breath and sweats on her forehead, i had no doubt she was running up the stairs to ensure her prompt attendance!

" Sorry sorry puan rohani...tadi jam kat..." she apologised.

"Dah dah...gi duduk...ya allah..tercungap2 ni..." said me, kesian pulak tengok muka die pucat either due to her berlari naik tangga or takut i would be angry at her and punish her ( emm...would i? if u are my ex students, don't answer this..hahahhaah!).


That morning, she looked radiant in the deep blue colored blouse. She has a hair clip on which she carefully pinned her hair back...flaunting her large mesmerising eyes. Her dark and shoulder lengthed hair brought to light her flawless and fair complexion. 'Lawanya budak ni...' i couldn't help noticing. When she heard me asking her to get to her seat...she smiled...and when she smiled, i could see the smile on her face came right through from her heart...the smile that showcased a pure loveliness on her face~A face of an authentic beauty.

To know her is to love her...
My relationship with Irma did not flourish during the time i tought her. It actually happened afterwards...come to think of it again, i think our first online conversation on the ym took place in November 2006. " pn rohani!!!!! hai....missnye puan!!!!!", how would I ever forget her first line. At first i thought, amboi...banyaknya tanda ' ! ' but later i realised '!' mark is Irma's favourite mark...not because she was shouting or what...it was to show how excited she was whenever she has anything she could not wait to tell me and that first online conversation she had with me was no exception. Irma buzzed me online on that day because of her genuine concern and worry of a dear friend of hers, whom she loved and cared, with the hope i could help her with.

My relationship with Irma groomed from just being a casual "teacher n student' to an unbreakable bond of a 'mother n daughter' relationship. Irma shared with me practically everything...her views about her friends...her bestfriends...boyfriends...her hopes for her future career...the kind of family life she dreams of. To be by her side, just listening to her talk would instantly put me at ease. Irma knew exactly the right things to say, when and how to say it. And if she knew she had said things that might hurt me, she wouldn't wait long to say how sorry she was to hurt me. Irma is surely full of compassion. Whenever i was down with sickness, she would call and sent an sms at any time of the day just to check on me and make sure everything was fine with me. And recently, on the day i turned 40 on 4th Dec 2008, i woke up first thing in the morning with a smile on my face to read Irma's birthday wish for me on my handphone...
"Happy Birthday ibu...sorry i can't call u cuz im inside the class right now...have a good one..smile the whole day ok! U take care..luv u so much ibu..."
Till this day,be it online or on the phone, Irma would never end her conversation with me without saying ' i luv u ibu..'.
Not just a beauty but a beauty with principles...
Like any other girls her age, Irma wouldn't miss the excitement whenever she bumped into cute guys. And whenever she did, she could never contain herself from me. She once went on like "ibuuuuuu!!! teka la...teka la...i tgh hppy gileeeeeeeeeeeeee niiiii". But unlike most girls her age, Irma wouldn't be too easy on displaying her real feelings infront of the guy of her interest. She would be very cautious on this matter. She would be jumping her heart out, giggling with exhilaration but when she stood infront of this person...she would put her real feelings to an 'auto shut-off' mode!
And also, unlike most girls her age, cute faces would only attract her for a brief period because Irma would not, for a second, submit herself to a guy just for their cute faces. Irma always know just the kind of person she is looking for - one who respects and listens to her views, one who respects and considers the opinions of others, one who has aims in life, one who is firm with his stands and knows what he wants in life and above all, one who never forgets his responsibility to God. Irma is also not the kind of girl that a guy could just shut her mouth up and expect her to obey without question. Irma would not make a decision without thinking through of its pros and cons and she would not compromise with the principles she has been holding on....no matter how rich or how good looking the guy must have been.
Rizwanie Irmaa in my eyes...
Irma is a sensitive person....her thoughtfulness and caring is beyond ones imagination. Irma is soft on the outside but strong from the inside. Any guy who wins her heart would be the luckiest man alive because Rizwanie Irmaa is a true definition of a modern lady with confidence and style...a beauty with a brain and a lady of substance...






















Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Danial, Primary school & Autism~ When in a state of confusion, who u gonna call??

Rashitah Rahmat was my classmate in STF back in 1981-1985. Kulit hitam manis and hair touched her shoulder, Shitot was one of the brightest girls in our class;always the first in class for all exams as far as i remembered, at least from form 1 till form 3 (kan shitot???). It is really a small world because though my path and Shitot's never cross after we left school in 1985, my husband knew Shitot and her husband when all of them studied in the US!
Apart from being classmates during our secondary school years, another thing me and Shitot shared in common is that we both have an autistic son. Since, recently, my concern on Danial's future primary school deepens, i could think of noone else to turn to for advise....of course it would be none other than my dear old friend...Shitot.
Here is my recent conversation with her via emails...
Me:
I nak tanya ur opinion la. My son danial kan mild autism. Most of his autistic behavior dah ilang.But he is still delayed in speech. He has another year at kindergarten. I tak yakin die can cope with the public school yang ramai2 tu. Tp nak masukkan kat kelas pendidikan khas kat skola tu cam die akan bercampur dgn bdk2 yang lagi teruk developmental problemnye. I takut if i joinkan die dlm kelas tu, die regress pulak instead of progressing. What say you?
Rashitah rahmat..
put him in the normal stream. my son tu kena assess by the PPD officers pasal I want them to see how he is - he does not qualify to be in the special class pasal borderline case. too normal to be in special class but not normal enough to be in the normal stream. he will not improve in the special class. let him try that first. he can still be transferred to special class later kalau you risau sangat but it is not reversible once you place him in the special class. you kan cikgu jugak - why worry too much. have faith in him.

Me:
not that i dont have faith in him..i takut sgt die kena buli and bdk2 ejek die.. i am sooo afraid he cannot defend himself...and in the end, die akan depress..

Rashitah rahmat:
we need to go thru this episode...my son pernah balik sekolah dgn baju dia ada kesan tapak kasut budak mana entah. i pernah witness budak tendang dia. pasal kena ejek tu nak cakap macamana lagi pasal he is different - kids are kids. my daughter used to get very upset pasal org usik adik dia plus sometimes dia rasa malu ada adik mcm tu. most parents in that school know me. ada yg brand me as mak yg tak reti jaga anak pasal they all don't understand him at all. i don't bother to explain myself to any of them. teachers pun susah - ada yg concerned, ada yg tak bother at all. we cannot shelter him or protect him all the time. he needs to know and go through the basic things in life. i don't think i am being too harsh on him by letting him go through all that. i don't set high expectations on him - after what he has gone through, i think it is a miracle that he survives five years of school so far. he is not doing well at school but at the autistic center - he is one of the "good" boys they have ever had. he was invited twice to present flowers to the queen. I once saw him on the stage in USM where he was presented as a subject of the seminar. he was in concerts in two hotels so far - invitations from companies. at least i rasa sejuk jugak - merasa jugak anak i ni naik stage and perform for a crowd. i have given talk to medical students on raising a special child. i have received calls from parents in KL to Perlis for advice on raising special children. entah sapa yg forwardkan number i but itulah kelebihan ada anak mcm ni. sometimes i just wish that he dies first so i tak rasa risau - sapa nak jaga dia bila i mati nanti....give him a chance to grow up the normal way. he may surprise you. one thing at a time.
Hai...pening kepala rasanya where to send Danial for his primary school education in 2010. Some of you might wonder...alahai, lama lagi. But not to me. I am not a last minute person and i do not like surprises be it pleasant or not. I always plan ahead of whatever i want to do. I started to look around for a suitable kindergarten for my eldest Aisyah when she was barely 2 years old! And now Danial...
One thing for sure, as of now, i plan to put Danial in the normal stream. And i guess, Danial is about the same level as Shitot's son at the time of enrolling primary school - borderline case. too normal to be in special class but not normal enough to be in the normal stream. However, i plan to enrol Danial in a private school of normal stream around Shah Alam that has a smaller number of children in a class. Also, Danial will still continue his speech therapy with his current therapist. To help him cope with his primary school work, i might approach one teacher in Ira's school who happens to be a trained teacher for special kids. What else ya? I can't think of anything else right now but i have faith that Allah will always be with me and show me the way for Danial's future. At the moment, my doa is Allah will show me or give me guidance on which school would be the most suitable for my son Danial.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

INTRODUCING THE STAR OF THIS BLOG ~ AHMAD DANIAL AHMAD KUSHAIRI





BABY DANIAL BEFORE A YEAR OLD...



DANIAL SLIGHTLY ABOVE 2 YEARS OLD...






Nov 2007~Danial performing onstage at the year end concert!!




Danial's most recent pic..siap bole posing lagi and now mmg dah tak de problem with eye contact...


Danial buat naughty kat rumah orang masa raya 2008...gang up with his cousins (tremendous improvement on social and play skills)

MANJA IBU....DANIAL...



amboi...dah ok with attention span, tak leh lak amek gamba betol betol ea....

DANIAL's WALL OF FAME...

A month after kindergarten, Feb 2006

At this time, Danial's teacher still had difficulty in controlling his hyperactivity. He refused to hold his color pencil properly and color the picture within the boundary.

3 months after kindergarten



Danial forced me to draw shapes of a rectangle, a circle and a triangle over and over again...but refused to do it himself or let me hold his hand to guide him do it. This prolonged for about 2 weeks. And he would observe me very very closely to see how i did it. However, one day, he decided to pick up a pencil and drew these shapes on his own!


When i saw Danial drew the shapes, i knew Danial's cognitive ability is good. He could copy and remembered how it was done.

My observation: Memory was excellent!

Danial and me did this as a practice based on his occupational therapy's session. This exercise was meant to increase Danial's attention span and reduce his sensitivity towards touch. You see, most autistic kids are very sensitive either to loud sound or rough surface or sticky surface...At this time, Danial was still not comfortable with the glue all sticky and messy on his fingers.



The artworks below were meant to aim for the same purpose...the texture of water colors...the rough skin of the lady's finger (bendi).



I helped Danial with the butterfly. I had to hold his hand and guided him to color within the shape of the butterfly. He enjoyed this activity!
6 months after kindergarten

Notice that by now, after six months of kindergarten, Danial's attention span increased. He can now color the pictures within the boundary and could hold his pencil color properly.


DANIAL TODAY ~ TWO YEARS AFTER KINDERGARTEN!




Danial drew both pictures all by himself! Notice the happy face on the sun...He could label all the items he drew. Just look at the track ...the tunnel...the big rock...the trees, different kind of trees..there are palm trees...coconut trees...and the small sun smiling on the top right hand corner....His pictures are so detail like there are stories behind it...



















































































































When the light gets brighter and the costs gets bigger...

January 2006
Our trusted pediatrician suggested Danial enrol a kindergarten; a kindergarten for typical kids(kids with no developmental delay). According to Dr Amdan, many kids with autism or any developmental delay would adapt to the surrounding of the typical kids and would successfully show tremendous improvement. And that was exactly what happened to Danial..
April 2006 (4 months after starting kindergarten...a year after speech therapy)
THE SPEECH AND LANGUAGE REPORT
General information.
Ahmad Danial is an active boy. During the first appointment, he showed poor global skills which include preverbal skills, receptive skills, expressive skills and play skills. After intensive training is given (specific supplement prescribed by pediatrician, weekly speech therapy and entering Montessori kindergarten and other alternative therapy) he improves gradually. He plays more appropriately and in a variety way. He has more spontaneous verbalize expression
.
PERFORMANCE
a) The preverbal skill
He is able to pay attention to each task given for full 15 minutes. He is able to sit down appropriately to each task given. He has spontaneous eye contact to object given and able to maintain the eye contact. He has spontaneous eye contact to name calling. He is able to request appropriately by palm raising and by expressing 'nak'. His imitation skills has grown appropriately.
b) receptive skills
He can recognize familiar items around him either in picture or real object. More than that, mother reports that he can point to the correct item asked such as family members and body parts. His skills develop through consistent task done weekly and exercise at home. He is able to perform simple basic instruction given spontaneously (eg close the door, keep the box)

c)the expressive skill
Most of the time he will use the appropriate sound with event.
Recommendation
It is recommended that Ahmad Danial to continue the existing program. A visit to an Occupational Therapist is highly suggested to assess him and to receive more opinion in order to improve his ability.
Siti Zurul Ain Abd Jabar
Speech and Language Therapist
DANIAL'S PROGRAMS
between January 2006 - May 2006
Montessori Kindergarten - 15 hours per week
Gymnastics - 1 hour per week ( to increase attention span and improve concentration)
Speech Therapy - 1 hour per week
Alternative therapy - 2x a month
Total cost = RM1000 per month
between June 2006 - December 2006
Montessori Kindergarten - 15 hours per week
Gymnastics - 1 hour per week
Speech Therapy - 1 hour per week
Alternative Therapy - 1x per month
Occupational Therapy - 1 hour per week
Total cost = RM1120 per month

O Lord! Draw my son from the evil..!!! Go..go..stay away from my son!

Dr Zainal Ariffin, my doctor at SMC (Selangor Medical Centre) suggested us brought Danial meet Dr ....(nama dirahsiakan...), the pediatric neurologist at S_MC who happened to be Dr Zainal's wife's colleague when both of them worked together at Hospital Selayang. And according to Dr Zainal, Dr 'she whose name should not be mentioned', was the only pediatric neurologist in the area. Since i have been seeing Dr Zainal for many years, i trusted his advise.
A pediatric neurologist...emmmm...the title sounded soooo professional..and there we were, my husband and me, with our hyperactive Danial, all set to meet this Dr 'she whose name should not be mentioned'. Yes...we wanted to give Danial the best right? So of course that would include bringing him to see the best doctor we could afford to right?"Ahmad Danial Ahmad Kushairi!" the doc's assistant called...Danial was still running around the waiting area while his dad ran behind him in the effort of getting hold of his hand..."alamak...eh bang, u keja la Danial, i masuk dulu clinic ea?" I told my husband.So, i entered the doc's clinic first..."mane anak!??"...asked doc 'she whose name should not be mentioned' dengan kasarnye.(aik...kasarnye doc ni...dlm ati i berkata...)"owh, die belari lari, the father is trying to catch him. They will join me in a short while..." said me trying to compose myself. Then Danial and his dad entered. As usual my husband would smile at the doc as a mean of respecting her position of course, pediatric neurologist la katakan..."ha! turun kan anak tu. Bia aje die...i will observe him while we talk..."
"a..kenapa dengan die??" asked the doc 'she whose name should not be mentioned' dengan tegasnya for what reason god knows why...(aku buat salah ke?? yang die ni defensive tak pasal2 ni nape? dlm ati i berkata lagi...)
"my family pediatrician observed Danial a few months ago and pointed out the possibility of him being autistic. We are here because we were suggested to see a pediatric neurologist to rule out any problems which...." my explaination was stopped by the ringging on the doc's handphone...
"ape?? no..no...bukan 2 sudu...satu sudu sudah! Dah..jangan tepon mama lagi! Kan mama dah bagi instruction tadi!" snapped the doc 'she whose name should not be mentioned' to the caller whom i presumed to be one of her kids. And in the effort of avoiding anymore distraction from the handphone, she abruptly switch off the phone and practically threw the phone on the desk...right in front of me! From the corner of my eyes, i could see my husband started to show his disapproving look. "i was saying that we want Danial to..." i tried to continue with my explaination..."diam!" snapped this saiko..opps...Dr 'she whose name should not be mentioned'. " i am observing him now.." ...she claimed. So diam la i ni...ye la, pediatric neurologist wanted to observe la katakan...Danial was then sitting on the floor playing with some lousy toys in the clinic...me and my hubby sat quietly...no sound made (takut juga kang doc ni jadik vampire ke ape terkam kat we all ke kan...). Danial was playing with the toys with his legs bent backwards like a 'frog' style tu..."ha!! duduk tu..haram tu duduk cara tu!"...the doc suddenly spoke...
(I was telling myself at that instant ~ ha??? haram???? O that's it!! I am not going to tolerate anymore of this for another second!) At that point..i did not listen to any thing that came out of the doc's mouth...i didn't give a damn if she was a pediatric neurologist or not...i think a 'saiko'logist would be more appropriate for what she potrayed to us. She finally stopped talking (god knows what she said...). My husband suddenly picked up Danial from the floor and without looking at the doc, told me that he and Danial will wait outside the clinic. Still trying to sound nice to this woman who was labelled as the pediatric neurologist...i requested for a reference for Danial for my record...."tengok la nanti...ha u tengok la ni, bape tebal fail2 yang i kena refer ni..so your son ni...tengok la ujung bulan ke....tp lagi 6 bulan bawak die datang lagi bole la tengok lagi development die".I just smiled and just walked out of the clinic.
To this doc 'she whose name should not be mentioned' - See you in 6 months time? Are you kidding me?? u bet this will be my last time bringing my son to you...I will not allow you set your eyes on my son ever again even if you are the last doc alive on this planet!
To parents out there:
Yes, of course we would like to give the best therapy and the best doctor or specialist for our kids. But, trust your instinct as parents. No one..and..no one in this world that know our kids more than we do. So, in the effort of wanting the best for our kids..at the end of the day...look into your heart and use your intelligent judgement to decide what would be the best for them...

Saturday, November 15, 2008

6 months after therapy

Let there be light...where is the light? Let there be hope...is there any hope?
A friend of mine who has a son with a developmental delay once advised me...
"hey, you know, whatever you do, no matter how much time and effort you have invested on your son, at the end of the day try not to hope too much from it okay...just do your best by expecting not much will change okay? But if it does change...just say syukur to Allah...".I just replied " ok...insyaallah, i will".

Boy...if only it was as easy as how i replied to her on that day. It was almost 5 months then but Danial didn't show a slight improvement at all after all the therapies he engaged in. I sat at the table in the kitchen watching Danial played his lego blocks and i wondered ~ "will he ever speak? will he ever respond to his name? does he know his name? Worst of all, does he know i am his mom?". 5 months passed but Danial seemed not to respond to any of the treatments he received. My hope began to crumble...my strength weakened...With a cup of coffee in my hands...i didn't realise tears streamed down my cheeks when i silently spoke to God "o lord, please don't leave me...".

"Oh god...there is light!"
It was raining quite heavily that December afternoon in 2005. Thank god, Siti had the gate readily opened for me. I drove slowly into my car porch...in the midst of the noise from the car radio and the heavy rain...i heard a tiny voice, like a kid's voice outside the car...i stopped my punto, turned off the CD player...now the sound became louder...i thought "laaa anak sape ni ujan ujan men kat luar ke??". I opened the door to get out of my car...my heart almost stopped. There i saw my son Danial stood on the chair by the window shouted " iiiibbb bbuuuuuu...iiibbb bbuuuu....". It was 25 days before he hit his 3rd birthday and that afternoon in December 2005, was the first time Danial called me ibu. I did not get down from the car. Instead, I sat in the car for almost 30 minutes just listening to Danial repeatedly calling me ibu...i wanted to relish every moment of joy of hearing Danial called me ibu for the first time....On my prayer mat later that day, i prayed to God " o lord...thank you for not leaving me...".


At the end of December 2005, Danial's achievements were:
1. Speak one word sentence. The obvious ones ~ ibu, aba,nak, no...
2. constant spinning ~ 95% stopped
3. Completely recovered from obsession on lining up toys, books and tapes
4. Engage in spontaneous play~ play hide and seek appropriately
5. Bring to us toys for our attention
6. Climb up our bed for our attention
7. Show separation anxiety when we left the house ~ know that when ibu put on tudung means 'going out'
8. No more head banging or biting
9. Show less sensitivity to loud sound
10. More receptive towards huggings and body contacts

Treatments & Therapies..~"mirror mirror on the wall...which one is THE best of all??"

May 2005 (when Danial was 2 years n 4 months old)
My husband and i immediately educate ourselves on autism and ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) by surfing the internet. Danial started speech therapy a month later. When Danial began his speech therapy session, he did not comply all the checklist for a one year old (he was then 2 years 4 months...). Wow! My worries deepened. I hadn't noticed how serious Danial's condition was until i saw the checklist. According to the speech therapist's observation, Danial had a very poor eye contact, very poor sense of awareness, potray some autistic behaviors but did not see too much of autism in Danial (again, this was just an opinion and not an assessment).

Danial was immediately had his ears checked by an audiologist at Sunway Medical Centre, Bandar Sunway. This is the first step to rule out Danial's speech delay was not due to hearing impairment.

At the time Danial was diagnosed for having the possibility of a developmental delay, i insisted on wanting to bring Danial meet Dr Helena. Dr Helena is an alternative treatment specialist, specialising in cupping with acupunture. When Dr Helena laid eyes on Danial, she immediately said that Danial has a problem in his head. "Some things are not connected" she claimed. She suggested cupping so as to promote better blood circulation to the brain and strengthen his muscles. Dr Helena also suggested Danial being put on flower therapy ~ a therapy using flower essence which could promote calmness and alertness in kids like Danial who was then very not focused and hyperactive.


From May 2005 - December 2005, the treatments Danial received...


1. Speech Therapy - 1 hour (abt 50mins) per week

2. Alternative Therapy with Dr Helena - every two weeks

~ flower therapy to promote calmness, concentration and response

~ cupping for muscle strength and better blood circulation to the brain


Total cost = approximately RM650 per month

Friday, November 14, 2008

My son Danial & Autism ~ the checklist

Does your two- to five-year old child..
1. not respond when you call his or her name or seem generally unresponsive?
2. not use his or her index finger to point to objects to indicate what he or she wants or to show you something?
3. have intermittent or no eye contact?
4. still not speaking?
5. not speak anymore?
6. demonstrate odd or idiosyncratic speech or language- such as endlessly repeating nursery rhymes, echoing, repeating words or phrases or making unusual sounds?
7. demonstrate odd or idiosyncratic behavior - such as hand flapping, finger flicking or constant spinning
8. experience emotional volatility and tantrums that are out of control?
9. demonstrate a regression in overall behavior - including communication, play and social skills?
10. have poor motor coordination when it comes to physical activities such as running or climbing?
11. fixate on objects such as ceiling fans or bright lights or parts of objects such as the wheels of a toy car?
12. seem highly distracted or spaced out?
13. show an inappropriate attachment to objects or frequently put objects into his or her mouth?
14. engage in obsessive, repetitive behaviors such as opening and closing doors, turning light switches on and off or lining up cars?
15. display ritualistic behaviors such as lining up books on the floor in a specific order at specific times?
16. engage in little or no spontaneous pretend play?
17. constantly play by him or himself, showing no interest in peers?
18. never bring or show you toys?
19. show no separation anxiety when you leave?
20. resist change and insist on sticking to specific routines or rituals?
21. engage in self-injurious behavior such as head banging or hand biting?
22. show no apparent fear of danger or pain?
23. not like to be hugged, cuddled or touched?
24. have unanimated facial expressions and or monotone voice?
25. demonstrate extreme over or underactivity?
26. display a lack of sensitivity or oversensitivity to sound, touch or visual stimuli (such as loud noises, rough fabrics..)
27. have unusual sleep patterns(such as trouble falling asleep or not sleeping through the night)?
28. eat only limited, specific foods?

Those nos highlighted were what Danial had when first observed by the doc and therapist when he was first diagnosed as having mild austism with ADHD (attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder). He was 2 years and 4 months old then.




Danial at the age of 2 years and 4 months old ~ at the time he was first diagnosed with mild autism with ADHD

Thursday, October 16, 2008

SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU "HAZIQA & HANIF"

When u think of a wedding present, what are the things that would come first to your thoughts? A table fan? A rice cooker? An electric kettle? A cutlery set? Yeah...i would say, those items sort of synonyms with weddings huh? Well, let me ask you...have u heard of anyone who gives a remote control plane for a wedding present? If you haven't...now you have! Yes...that's what we did. We gave an RC Cessna 172 as a wedding present to our dear couple Haziqah Zuhuri & Haniff Ali on their wedding day on the 18th October 2008....







We were about to go out for breakfast one morning ...



"honey, what do we want to give ziqa and hanif for their wedding gift ya?



Suddenly my hubby said...



" eh jom kite belikan ziqa and haniff rc plane nak?"



" you must be kidding me!" I snapped.



" eh pas tu kan, kite carik la doll bride n groom kite letak dlm plane tu...eee best ape.." he continued in a very joyful mode.



"you are not serious are you??..eh..malu je dengan mama ziqa...tell me u are not serious??" I said in disbelieve...



Untuk memendekkan cerita yang tak panjang sangat, maka terjadilah kenyataan what was initially a main main idea.



My darling hubby, Kushairi, is sort of a fanatic fan of these remote control helicopters and aeroplanes atau ape ape serupa dengannye. As of to date, he has 6 of them! And guess what? Only a few days ago he meluahkan his intention of buying another one...bigger...better performance...Ikut u la abang...(hahhaahahah....).


Picture taken in 1999

I knew Haziqa and Hanif when they were 18. (Hanif tu yang tunduk je and Haziqa in baju kurung kuning dengan tudung yang diselimpangkan dengan fesyen ala kadar sahaja...). They were my students when both of them studied A levels under the German Programme at PPP, now known as INTEC. I remembered Haziqa pakai baju kurung dengan tudung...spectacles....Haziqa was a law abiding student...her notes were so properly and neatly written...she would do ALL the work u asked her to with no complain (tak tahu la kan belakang tabir punye rungutan....tu tak kira la kan..). Hanif, as far as i remembered nampak seperti law abiding juga but i knew his homework was not oringinal...Ooo rupa rupa nye Haziqa la ya jadik answer provider to Hanif selama masa tu...Haahaaahha!


I was 29 then with 2 kids. Meeting them again now 10 years later, me now with 4 kids and older, is really nice. Now, Haziqa and Hanif are no longer my students...they are one of our dearest family friends.

No words could ever discribe how proud i am to see both of them become successful in what they do now...Hanif, a handsome pilot and Haziqa, a beautiful lady running her arwah father's company. To both of them, my doa is only for Allah memberkati rezeki yang dicari.






SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU HAZIQA & HANIF...SEMOGA KASIH BERKEKALAN KE AKHIR HAYAT...


















In the name of friendship ~ when sorry was said but regret still remains...

The hour of the clock pointed at 4pm. I woke up from my afternoon nap after taking 2 pills of actifast (which didn't work at all for this migraine i have been suffering for 3 days already...). I looked up for my handphone and there were 3 missed calls and one message that came through. Ahhh...the message was from one of my dearests. Remember the couple whom i spoke of in my last article on friendship, the couple i gave identical gifts to? She apologised for misinforming me about the friend whom i thought had 'abandoned' the gift i gave...It turned out that he has been keeping it with him all this time.
Well, the moment i read the message...only one thought came to my mind...'i know he would never lie to me...'. To him i would like to say... "thank you my dear, that is so kind of you to still honor my gift in the name of our friendship..."
It was raining heavily...as i drove my punto in the rain, my mind kept fixed to one person whose trust i have violated a few months ago. I kept thinking, even if i could turn back time, under the circumstances i was in, could i handle the situation differently? The truth is, i do not know...i knew, somehow, our friendship won't be the same after that because a friendship without trust is not a friendship at all. Even if i say how sorry i am for numerous times for the next hundred years...one thing will never change...even when sorry was said, i know the regret i have will still remains..

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Tatkala syawal menjelang...


A day before raya...

Kecut lak daun kelongsong ketupat ni..Tu la..beli kelongsong ketupat lambat sangat, tinggal le yang kecut kecut sikit. Kecut pon kecut le..lagi kan tak de ketupat, cam tak raya lak kang. The time showed 5.30am in the morning. I just finished my sahur. Everyone else climbed up on their beds...resumed their sleep. Sitting bersila on the kitchen floor, in the early break of the daylight, patiently i filled the kelongsong ketupat with prewashed beras...alone. At ths time, for many years,without fail, reminded me that the moment has come....in a few hours...for the next 3 days of syawal...i will be transformed...jadi la daku cinderella jadian...masak,masak, masakkkk...eeemmm....ain't different from anyone else i guess...

The last buka puasa, as always, we all will eat the ketupat, rendang, kuah kacang and kuah lodeh i prepared for 1 syawal and brought the remaining to my mom-in-law's house in KL the next day.
First hari raya day is always a gathering occasion at my in law's house from the first year i married my husband. If i am not mistaken, in the 15 years of my marriage, i only celebrated 1st syawal morning with my mom once. That also, we would rushed to KL as soon as we had breakfast after solat sunat hari raya. After that year, it was always at my in law's till this day. Of course, in the early days of my marriage, i remembered feeling sad everytime i woke up in the early dawn of syawal and heard the takbir from the nearby surau and wished i was with my family. But after awhile...i learned to accept and understood the fact that my husband would want to mohon ampun and maaf from his parents first before he does to anyone else and I thought, well..why not make it possible and easy for him. Even now when we have a bigger family and sleep over at his parents' place would be inconvenient, we would rushed to KL right after solat subuh and reached KL just in time for solat sunat raya with his brothers and in the past, with his arwah father. And this year, even when his father had passed away, was not an exception...

1st syawal...


This is my husband and his two younger brothers, Talha and Paie (alamak paie...kalau awak pegang snapang..dah cam taliban dah rupa awak dek....hahhaha) just balik from solat sunat hari raya. My husband is very close with his brothers. A bond that anyone can blindfoldedly see very strong and sturdy, a relationship i would like to inculcate in my children, an example of what family ties all about. Respect is the word. Yes...they respect each other irregardless of who is the eldest or who is the younger among them.



These are my kids! These people can never stay still even for a second...terbanyak makan vitamins i rasa..active betul. This year we decided to have the same color tone for our baju pagi raya...not identical though. Danial's baju melayu was ready made and i got it from PKNS complex but my girls' baju kurung moden as seen in these photo were my own design...




The baju kurung i wore was actually bought 2 days before raya and so did the accessories that came with it...a true definition of last minute raya shopping! Owh...with me in this photo was my darling daughter Najwa Asyikin. Ooo girl, u look so girlish this year. Najwa is very picky with her choice of baju raya or anything comes attached with it. That's why u will see no accessory of any sort on her body...hhahahaha. However, this year, she agreed to let her line of raya attires in the trust of non other than who else...me! (sebab i warned her..."Najwa, kalau awak cerewet sgt this year, smue baju awak tak berkenan...awak raya tahun ni pakai je baju skola ea??")


Nuwairah Aimi...our third girl...hmm..ni Aisyah in the making. Memang kuat bergamba and berposing. Sikit2 gamba die...tgk camera balik..eh, smue ade muka kak ira...hahhahaha.



Haaa...ni hero sape la ni...if not our only son..Danial, dengan jambul yang digelkan and di hairspraykan oleh non other than our in-house stylist~ Aisyah. Teruk la awak kakak, sian gambut adek awak keje kan...Hish...Danial, can u please stay still kejap..bia ibu amek gamba awak comel sikit..Danial looked so hensem in this baju melayu which happened to be secolor dengan abahnye. Aisyah was the one yang pilihkan color baju melayu tu and also chose the sampin for her brother. Pagi pagi raya, lepas mandi and bersiap, Aisyah was the one who siapkan her brother, siap dengan hair style skali and warned everyone not to put Danial on songkok or kupiah or ape2 yang akan rosakkan rambut adik die..hhahahahah! "Jangan pakaikan die songkokkkk...nnti jambul die rosakkkkk...".


Edit mengedit gamba macam ni rupa mmg la keje Aisyah. You guys will notice, unlike Najwa, Aisyah has all the accessories from the hair to the chain around the neck to the earings that could not be seen in the photo to macam macam la yang dia rasa boleh diletak kat her body. But i can't blame her though, look at the mom la...hahahahh. This is something me and Aisyah has in common. Now that we both can share shoes, Aisyah did not bother to shop for her raya shoes this year since she can just put on any of my pairs whichever she think that would suit her dress.

Hari Raya wishes from madam author of this blog...


This pic was taken on the third day of syawal at one of my husband's aunties house. This year, we both are 40 (baru empat puluh k..). We both are very happy to celebrate syawal this year with those we love and care unconditionally...our family members;our mothers,brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, cousins and not forgetting anak-anak angkat yang jauh di perantauan.. NorJannah Syaqireen, Rizwanie Irmaa and Mohd Zaim Zuhuri who are all now studying in the US. Tidak dilupakan juga, this year is going to be an exciting year for us because one of the dearest couples in our family; Haziqah Zuhuri and Haniff will tie the knot on the 18th October 2008! For Haziqah and Haniff...kami berdua mendoakan kebahagiaan ke akhir hayat and remember that marriage is not all about two people, its all about family...Love not only each other but also each other's family. We are very grateful that Allah s.w.t bless upon us with beautiful and wonderful children; Nabilah Aisyah, Najwa Asyikin, Nuwairah Aimi and Ahmad Danial, whom without them...diibaratkan tiadalah makna hidup kami. Kami berdoa agar Allah s.w.t sentiasa memberkati keluarga kami ini, dimurahkan rezeki dan dikukuhkan kasih & sayang di antara kami....kasih yang sejati..kasih yang abadi...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO ALL. MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN DARI KAMI BERDUA...

Sunday, September 7, 2008

My mom-in-law & me ~ a blind date,an accidental love..

The blind date

I learnt a few things about her from my husband during our days studying for our masters degree at the Univ of Warwick, UK in 1991-1992. But that didn't help much actually since the few information i had was only her name is Rogayah binti Abdul Rahman and she was a PJ born. I once asked my husband,then my boyfriend, " hey, what's your mom like?". The only answer i got from him " ntah..cam orang la..". Unsatisfied with that i asked further "ye le...what's she like to do ke..ape2 la..". My husband said "ntah..mengemas le kot..i asyik nengok die bekemas je..."...urghhh...hopeless betul rasanya bila tanya dia ni...

My mom-in-law on her wedding day in 1966


The first time i met her, it was an arranged meeting. Of course it was - that was the day i got engaged to my husband! Was i nervous? U bet i was..I remembered i was even more nervous to lay my eyes on my mother in law for the first time rather than the fact i was going to be engaged...hahaahahaha!Alamak, nak pakai baju ape ni? Apa nak cakap ni..? Nak duduk camane ni...on the floor...on the chair...cross the leg..or should i just pin my kne..e...? What should i refer her as...aunty? mak cik? mak gayah?? oh god...i WAS nervous...it felt like meeting someone on a blind date which i honestly never had any experience of any sort..

Thy shall not step foot in the 'royal circle'....

When i got married to my husband and consequently be part of her family, i believed there were many aspects about me she was not happy with. It took me quite a long time to figure out why she acted the way she acted and why she said what she said but as i got to know her and accepting her as part of my life...i understood why she was what she was.


There are only two of them: my mom in law and her only and favourite brother, Pak long Omar. Pak long Omar is everything good and nice in my mom in law's eyes. Well, he is as a matter of fact a nice and kind uncle to my husband and his brothers. Their biological mother passed away when my mom in law was four and pak long was three. Ever since then, they were brought up by their rich grandparents in Petaling Jaya. They all lived in a big mansion along with their uncles and aunties and her countless cousins. The funny thing was (well at least i used to think of it as funny..), all these people were later matched to marry. So during those days, they all married their cousins or their cousin's cousins..and her parents were no exception. Her parents were cousins.


I took this pic from her old album. These people were her aunties and uncles who were cousins matched to marry. I am not sure if one of the couples were her parents..


Losing her mother at that tender age of four consequently made pak long Omar and her favourite cousin, a.k.a. Cik Bocha,her only confidentes through her growing up years. When she got married and has her own family, now there were her husband and her three sons. These people seems to me like her 'royal circle'. She didn't have the maternal relationship with anyone which made her not so generous in showing affections to others outside this 'royal circle'. She trusted these people in the 'royal circle' so unwaveringly like she built a castle wall around them; not allowing anyone to enter;always coutious or skeptical or paranoid if others would have a control or influence on these people. The saddest thing was that of all those outsiders she was trying hard to protect her 'royal circle' from, the most 'dangerous' people in her eyes were us...her sons' wives. No one could ever imagine what i had to go through to infiltrate this circle as i was the first outsider who invaded her territory ~ i married the eldest son.


When there is compassion, there will be love...

In my early days with her, i remembered i was all the opposite of what her vision of a daughter in law would be . I was like her nightmare in the daylight...hahhahaha( now i can laugh la...but i don't think i laughed this much 15 years ago). I was this young lady, educated, vocal yet considered as 'outdated' just because i wore tudung in public...hated pakai emas bergayut2 to weddings....and the most intolerable curse of all time..."this was the woman MY son would now listen to and consider her opinions and worst of all, if her opinions formed the basis of MY son's decisions".


No matter how explicitly she displayed her disapproval on most aspects about me, deep inside i somehow knew i gained her respects and i believe this still stays till this day. Without fail, since the first day my parents in law set foot in our house, there was always food on table and 95% of the time, i cooked for them when they came to visit us. My arwah father in law used to love my pecal and my kuah lodeh. Everytime he ate the pecal, i remembered him saying " abah suka ani masak ni...ni mmg favourite abah dulu lagi.." . There was one time i made the roti jala and we all used to eat roti jala with kuah kari ayam pekat but my mom in law would say.."ni fav mak ni, tp kalau makan dengan kuah durian la,lagi sedap.." and i would straight went to the kitchen and made the kuah durian for her. She sooo loved the kuah durian...she could eat the kuah durian just like that on its own to the last drop i tell you..And then, there was this unwritten tradition. According to my husband, his arwah nenek used to make this sandwich cake that was soooo scrumptious that he missed so much since his nenek passed away. I looked up in my old recipe book which i bought when i was in the UK and i found this recipe "victoria sandwich cake". So, Hari Raya that year, i braved myself trying out this recipe and bon appetite! The moment i opened the cake dish, my parents in law were elated. I remembered my arwah father in law bragging about his mom used to make the cake every raya that his mother's was unbeatable..."macam ani buat ni la..." he said. I smiled looking at them enjoying the cake ( sorry to say, i don't like it so much..its sooo sweet). Since that year, Victoria Sandwich Cake is a MUST to have item in our menu raya.


The day my father in law passed away, my husband and i were the only two by his side. My mom in law was sleeping. I remembered holding her hand, gently waking her up and said
"mak...bangun ye...mak, abah dah tak de..." i broke the news to her. She panicked for a moment. My husband hold her tightly...she broke down and cried. Since we were in the hospital, my father in law's body had to be brought to the mortuary to do everything necessary for us to be able to bring my late father in law's body home. I was alone with my mom in law outside the mortuary. I held her hands and consoled her not to worry about being alone because we all would take care of her...that her sons are all responsible men and would never leave her on her own. She said "seb baik ani ada kawankan mak...kalau sorang macam mane lah kita nak ngadap smue ni...". I stayed quiet. Deep inside me i was actually glad to be with her at this crucial episode of her life. At that particular moment, for the first time in my life with her, i felt accepted.

The aftermath ~15 years after my invasion of her territory...

Last weekend, my mom in law agreed to stay with us for at least a week and will come and stay with us again during the first week of raya. As usual, and since it's ramadhan, i will cook and attend to everyone's needs including my mom in law's. Now that she is not so energetic anymore, i asked her to relax and rest most of the time. During these moments i have her in my care, i can't help noticing a few changes in her behaviour. She used to be very like very particular on many things. The other day she forgot to switch off the iron, another day she forgot to close the water tab and let the water running the whole night. But the most startling event was when four days ago, i made the roti jala and her all time favourite kuah durian for buka puasa...she suddenly commented "macamane nak makan ni? mak tak penah makan ni...". Spontaneously i replied "eh, kan mak suka kuah durian ni...dulu ani buat mak suka sangat...". I exchanged look with my husband but said nothing.

When we sent her back to her house in KL just now, before we part with her to go back to Shah Alam, my mom in law cupped my face in the palms of her hands, looking into my face...then kissed my cheeks on both sides...while hugging me, she said "timekaseh ya ani..". My heart melted as i looked into her aging face...despite our differences in the past...i know i love her. However,one question keep fix in my thought since that incident at buka puasa four days ago...IS MY MOM IN LAW SHOWS SYMPTOMS OF DEMENTIA?



My mom-in-law and my eldest aisyah...aisyah is like a miniature of her grandmom kan?




Look at these two pictures: above was my mom in law (in specs) in her younger days...below is aisyah two years ago...serupa kan?...hai aisyah...rupa awak dalam gamba ni cam 'cikgu rokiah' .... hahahah...
























Saturday, September 6, 2008

My son Danial and Autism ~ Grief and acceptance

Danial started speech therapy a month later after i had come to term with Danial's problem. I remembered i couldnt sleep for a week ...i couldnt eat much...i cried most of the time. Panic...afraid...i was consumed with all sort of mixed and confused feelings. The possibility of Danial having a developmental delay came as a shock to me. A lot of questions lingered in my thoughts...How severe was it? What treatment available? Is this something that can be cured? What kind of school for such children like Danial? This might sound weird but to tell you the truth, i had never set my eyes on austistic kids. So when the therapist told me that Danial's austism was considered as mild....i could not appreciate it. Mild?? What did she mean mild? How would kids with severe austism look like then? I was totally of no clue of whatsoever what the therapist was talking about. Out of desperation of finding answers and depression of not comprehending the whole situation...i cried for days..i cried when i had my lunch...i cried while sipping my cup of coffee...i cried in the shower...Come to think of it again, i think i have never cried that much in my entire life!
One morning, while sobbing, i told my husband it was not that i blame God for Danial's condition. It was not that i could not accept Danial's condition. I knew right from the moment the doctor pointed out the possibility of Danial being autistic that never once i questioned God "why does this happen to me?". As a matter of fact, i am,to this day, very glad that that question has never come across my mind. So why did i cry u might wonder? Why was i in such grief u might ask...
I was very particular when comes to raising my children...and to many extend, i did not (and still am i think) trust my kids in the care of others. So when Aisyah and Najwa were little, u can imagine i did everything by myself with no maid to assist me. I woke up as early as 5am, cooked baby food for my baby's lunch (as i adamantly believed canned food or instant food on the shelves at Giant was not nutritious enough and i didn't trust the babysitter to cook for my baby),bathed them before sending to the babysitter's house, sent them to the babysitter and zoomed to my morning class at UiTM....At night, i slept with them, woke up three to four times at night changed their diapers...prepared milk with my eyes half closed...those were tiring moments. That did not include those sleepless night when they were ill. You see, with my older two daughters, i did everything all by myself.
Then came Siti, our super duper efficient maid. Siti came in and worked for us as a maid when Nuwairah, my third daughter was only two months old. She was trustworthy, efficient...excellent with children...Siti was a maid made in heaven...She was a true definition of a maid of every couple's dream. When Nuwairah was only eight months old, i got pregnant with Danial.
Because of my hypertension i developed the moment i delivered Danial, i didn't sleep with him at night. And because i was busy juggling my time with work and settling my 2 older girls' who were then have started schooling and catering a demanding 4 year old Nuwairah...i didn't realise i neglected Danial and left him quite totally in the care of Siti. There were many times when i walked in and left the house not realising "eh, i haven't hug Danial yet...". I didn't even realise Danial's poor eye contact and that he didn't respond to his name even at the age of two. The only obvious condition as far as i could remember was that, at the age of two, Danial still wasn't speaking yet and didn't call me or address me as 'mom' like Aisyah or 'ibu' like Najwa or 'mommy' like Ira...He didn't call me anything!
I was in grief because i blamed myself letting go most of my duty as a mother in the hands of my maid until i didn't realise or notice my son's developmental delay in speech was due to austism. I was in grief because i scolded myself for not being a caring mother like i used to be with my older two daughters...I was in grief because i was so scared there was nothing i could do to help my son and that i was too late to help him...
I did not allow myself to be in grief too long. I remembered my husband said... " you just cannot do this to yourself and most importantly, u cannot help Danial if u cannot help yourself...Danial needs you to be strong for him and if you do not have confidence in him, he will never have the confidence he needs to get through all these...yes, of course you can be sad but we cannot just sit and cry but do nothing". My husband's words gave me strength. The words of a caring and responsible father. That moment, i just knew i have to get hold of myself and stop this grief immediately. I had no time to delay. I had to lay out plans for Danial. I knew, i had to give Dr Amdan a visit. And this time, i will be ready with all the questions on austism...and i had my little note book in my hand to jot down every littlest detail of my discussion. At that moment, i looked at Danial and in my heart i silently said "Danial my son, today...ibu will hold your right hand and abah will hold your left hand walk with you and all your three sisters will be walking behind you...we will all walk with you and help you...you are in save hands".

Saturday, August 23, 2008

When the rich gets richer and the poor gets poorer...

I am very tired actually. I was about to update my blog on my son Danial but i just cannot put my head on the pillow thinking of what i encountered today.
I went for a spa course somewhere in lembah kelang (rahsia la...) from 10am-5pm. I was supposed to bring with me a model for the hands on session. Initially my biras agreed to come along but somehow trbatal sb she has to make up some artists for a photography sessions. So, cuba teka sape mangsa nye....tk lain tak bukan...Aisyah la! Sukenye Aisyah kena dimanja2kan body die..hahahhaha. But Aisyah is not the main character in my blog today. Seperti biasa, saya yang memang tak boleh tak bercakap ni, akan bertegur sapa dengan the employees of the spa. One of them was Rina (bukan nama sebenar...).
Rina is an experienced spa employee and has a 3 year working experience in the spa of a local hotel in Kuala Lumpur. As i was having my training sessions with Rina, i observed that Rina is very knowledgeable and proficient in her work. Rina even gave me some tips on how to make a homemade sauna herbs and body mask! My conversation with Rina dari kids to husband to hometown...until it came to a point when Rina told me she will be quiting from the spa by the end of this month.
"eh, kan Rina baru keje sini 2 bulan kan...nape pulak nak berenti?" I asked dalam keadaan yang sangat menyebuk..
"tu la kak, sbnarnye aritu boss saya, Puan Zaleha (bukan nama sebenar...) janji nak bagi gaji rm1000 and dapat commission 30%, tp bile dah mula keje, dapat basic rm600 and commission 20% pulak...". Rina replied. " Saya actually dah dapat offer keje kat spa kat shah alam, orang tu nak bayar saya rm1000 tau tapi sebab dah trmakan janji manis Pn Zaleha ni, ni la jadinye. Mana cukup kak, anak nak sekolah lagi...saya dapat commission 20% je..saya berpengalaman ..." keluh Rina.
I was stunned and terus terdiam. Not because i was running out of things to say or comment...on the contrary, so many things ran through the chamber of my thoughts all at the same time.
To the owner of the spa, Pn Zaleha: Why? Why didn't you keep your words ?If you have promised to pay this much to this person, why didn't you do so? Isn't there any sense of guilt that because of you, the household income of this woman is affected? In today's economic situation when people are working night and day to make ends meet, how could you make profits by taking advantage on others?
Rina eventually told me that she is not planning to go back to her hometown, Kota Kinabalu, very soon or open a business as what she had told her boss the reasons she quits. Rina explained to me further she would rather not continue working for the spa feeling taken advantage of her skills and experiences. Instead, Rina plans to operate body treatment from home. Some questions immediately came to my thoughts. How much can she make in a month? Who would be her target market? Will the income she obtains from this enough to support her family?
The course ended an hour earlier and i thought, emm...why not ask Rina give me a full body massage. I wanted to feel Rina's experienced hands. I wanted to test myself how skillful is Rina in her work.
The one hour massage ended with only one thing in my thought...Rina IS very good and skillful! Why doesn't an experienced and skilled person like Rina open her own spa or salon? The obvious hurdle would definitely be the start up costs. Rina shared with me her misfortune a few years ago when she lost RM10,000 investment to a third party in the effort of opening up a spa with a friend.
"Macam nak gila saya kak, abis duit simpanan saya, duit kwsp saya keluarkan konon nak buat bisness ni, kena tipu!" sighed Rina.
RM10K to a household income of not more than RM2K per month is comparitively the same to RM100K to a monthly household income of RM15K-RM20K....I just couldn't help but felt pity for what Rina went through. But again, i couldn't escape this one question...
"eh, macamana Rina boleh kluarkan duit kwsp? Nak bukak bisness boleh kluarkan duit kwsp?" tanya la saya ni dengan penuh rasa pelik.
"tak de, kluarkan duit kwsp tu cakap nak beli rumah la." explained Rina.
"haaa hahhahaha...tu la agaknye...starting dah tak betul tu..." sambil ketawa mesra i gave comments yang tajam.
"Haahahhaha, tapi rumah tu rumah kedai. Jadik ingat bawah bukak kedai tingkat atas rumah saya la...ok la gak kan kak..." Rina defended herself.
As i got dressed and ready to go home, i advised Rina to be patient and never give up hope to strive for a better living for her and her family. In my own words to Rina...
"Tak pe ya Rina, hilang RM10K tu ada hikmahnya. Fikir yang positive la ya. Allah sayang kat Rina and keluarga. Ada rezeki lain yang lagi berkat Allah sediakan untuk Rina dan anak anak. Tuhan nak duga Rina sikit and sekejap aje tu. Pada akak, lain kali, insyaallah, kalau ada rezeki lagi, nak bukak bisness atau nak buat ape ape pun yang nak generate income untuk keluarga nak cari nafkah buat keluarga dan anak anak, jangan sesekali mulakan dengan perkara negative. Kalau nak keluarkan duit kwsp sebab nak beli rumah maka beli la rumah. Kalau nak buat pinjaman untuk mulakan bisnes maka buat la bisnes. Dalam ape perkara pon jujur is satu titik permulaan yang AMAT penting...bia la we start small but gradually ends big rather than start small but get shrunk immediately...".
For people like Pn Zaleha, yes you gain profit by engaging on a skilled and experienced employee like Rina but because of your inefficiency in managing your employees, the profit is only short-termed as an experienced and skilful employee like Rina can actually find work at any other spa. To me, to lose an employee like Rina, for a spa bisnes which is a client based, is a significant lost.
For those dalam category Pembayar Gaji, jangan lah kita terlalu taksob mengaut keuntungan sehingga hilang rasa timbang rasa dan kemanusiaan dalam sanubari kita. Jangan la kita menjadi kaya dengan keperitan orang lain. Yes, we can get richer by taking advantage on the poorer, but i believe and berpegang teguh to this one principle: Ketenangan jiwa dan keberkatan hidup tidak akan boleh dibeli dengan wang ringgit.
For others dalam category Makan Gaji, jangan lah desakan hidup kita mendorong kita kepada ketidakjujuran. I believe, though money is no doubt, is very important to ensure better living but keberkatan hidup dan ketenangan jiwa dari rezeki yang halal wajib menjadi matlamat hidup seseorang. Janganlah dengan simpanan yang sedikit yang kita ada, in the effort of wanting to get rich fast, we get poorer in a blink of an eye...
This is just my opinion...Till we meet again...Salam.