The hour was still early...6.30am. After solat subuh and spent a few moments on the praying mat doing my daily reading of Al-quran and berdoa...I went to the kitchen to see Nuwairah a.k.a Ira and Aisyah getting ready for school. My kids don't eat heavy breakfast (sakit perut la ibu..nnti kena berak kat skola laa...). Ira would just take a slice of bread with nuttella and Aisyah, since school began this year, has started taking chocholate flavored Herbalife drink. By 7 am, my husband took the car key and headed towards his car. Without him having to say anything, Aisyah and Ira quickly put on their socks and shoes and reached for their school bags because they knew it was time to go to school. I told my husband i wanted to brisk walk to Seksyen 3 and would meet him at one of the restaurants for our "compulsory time together" for breakfast.
It was a peaceful morning. The early morning breeze brushed my 40 year old face and I headed to the lake. As i quickened my pace, i saw people rushing to start their day. A few cars made a quick stop at a food stall by the roadside buying breakfast for their kids to eat at school or for them to eat at the office. I heard a little boy cried and saw him struggled in his mother's arms, not wanting to be seated in the car and perhaps adamantly not wanting to be sent to the babysitter or nursery. I continued my morning walk and i smiled ~ until 7 months ago, for 15 years, i was one of those people. But the question is: Was I making the right decision not to be one of them?
About ten minutes of walking from my house, i now reached the lake site. The whole scenery of a busy and hectic life i witnessed a moment ago inspired me to reflect the 15 years of being a career woman, a mother to 3 daughters and an autistic son and a wife. I thought ~ how did i manage to juggle my time with the kids and family and work all in one?? The truth was i wasn't doing a pretty good job at all. I let others manage my kids most of the time. Though i fetched them from school, 90% of the time i just dropped them off in front of the house and they would be greeted by my maid who not only cooked their lunch but also attended to their needs as they prepared themselves for the agama classes in the afternoon. They went to agama classes by van. I would meet them again later in the evening by 6pm. And by then, i was totally exhausted. With the hypertension i have been suffering from since my son Danial was born, you can imagine how fatigue i was after solat isyak. There were many instances when my husband came home from work seeing me already in bed. That didn't include the times when i was down with sickness and worst if i had to be admitted to the hospital.
Suasana di tasik that morning sangat tenang. Tidak sibuk seperti di hujung minggu. Hanya ada kurang dari 10 orang dari golongan yang sudah bersara menjalani riadah harian mungkin sejurus selepas mereka solat subuh at the nearby blue mosque. Sambil berjalan laju (sebab exercise kan...bukan jalan2 suka2..), my eyes could not escape the panoramic view of the lake in the morning...and my thoughts fixed to the life i am going through now. Bila difikirkan, my life now sama saje dari segi kesibukan dan kepenatan as compared to the times when i worked full time. Though i am no more working full time, handling and settling my kids with their daily activities can easily occupied the 24 hours i have in a day.
6am - solat subuh, make sure ira n aisyah ready for school n najwa bangun for solat subuh
7am- send ira n aisyah to school/morning walk if abah baik ati nak anta kids to school(hehheeh), breakfast with hubby
8am-send Danial to kindergarten, najwa to co-curriculum activity at school on Tuesdays, market
9am- fetch najwa from school on tuesdays/swimming
1030am - cook lunch
12.45am- send najwa to school
1.00pm - fetch Ira and Danial from school
2.30pm - send Ira to agama class,fetch Aisyah from school
3.30pm - fetch Aisyah from school only on Tuesdays
4pm - send Danial ngaji on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays
5pm - fetch Danial on ngaji days,fetch Ira from agama class, send Aisyah to Tuition
6.45pm - fetch Najwa from school
7pm - fetch Aisyah from Tuition
8pm - send and wait for Ira n Danial for swimming lesson on Tuesday and Thursday nites
9.45pm- fetch Ira n Danial from the pool/Najwa from tuition BM on wednesday nites
Though i penat keluar masuk rumah, the tiredness is only physical. Unlike previously, I am no more worried about my kids' safety (maid kat rumah bagi makan tak anak aku ni...ok ke bdk van ni..alaaa die tunggu lame2 kat tepi jalan luar skola tu ok ke...). I am there to send them to and fetch them from school, i am there to watch them eat lunch,tea and dinner, i sit with them when they do their homework..i am practically with them the whole time whenever they are not at school. I even have time to coach Aisyah with her PMR subjects, help Ira and Najwa with their homeworks, teach Danial to read...A few days ago, Aisyah came home from school and i sat with her while she ate her lunch and we talked..about friends, new teachers, and suddenly Aisyah stayed quiet for a moment and slowly she told me..
"ibu, i actually have something to tell you. It bothered me and i could not sleep well for the past 2 nites"
I asked.." what is it?"
"You know Neena (her swimming fren), during the tornament, she brought her camera and i was holding it and looking at it and anyway she asked me to take some pics pun..but lepas tengok2 tu i placed the camera beside her. The camera was lost and Neena accused me hilangkan her camera..I am scared to tell you and abah coz the camera costs about rm600+. She insisted me buy a new one for her.."
" Ok..we will discuss this with abah later today ok..for now, finish ur lunch quick, you got homework to worry about and tuition class to go to later..."
I was calmed, which i wouldn't be should Aisyah break this kind of news if i just came back from the office...i would be like..'you what????? what have gotten into your mind??? rm600+????? You wait until abah comes home and you' ll see what he has to say!!!'. Yup, that would exactly how i would react should this happen 7 months earlier.
After i said what i said to her over the camera issue, Aisyah slowly lifted her eyes and looked at me. She had tears in her eyes. " O my god ibu, i was so scared u and abah will be angry..i couldn't sleep...i am sooo glad you are not as angry as i thought you would be..."
I said " dah dah..i think it was not 100% your fault. Neena was careless too. But you bet abah and me will still ground you though..you'd better learn this lesson. See, I told you so many times already. Don't easily trust people. You thought Neena was one of your best buddies, now the moment she was in trouble, the first thing she did was turning her back from you. And in the end, who will bail u out?? Your dad and me kan? Learn from all this..."
I was crossing the road and heading towards the restaurant when i saw my darling hubby from a distant. As we both walked holding hands entering the restaurant, my thought was still on the question i had when i was at the lake just now. I took a deep breath and I smiled because I have the answer to the question. If i stayed on working full time, i wouldn't have sane moments with my kids..especially with my teenage daughters Aisyah and Najwa...i wouldn't have as much calm and peaceful time-together with my hubby as now...Honestly, I have never experienced such feeling of ketenangan like what i am feeling right now and i am very happy with my current lifestyle ~ Yes, i have made the right decision not to be one of those people...
